The CelloChanWoods Experience
It is difficult to remember the precise feeling I experienced at the beginning of day 1, but I do know how nervous I was. I doubted myself, particularly my ability to instruct others in the art of making music. Would I be able to give constructive advice? What if I told them something "wrong"? What if I have trouble with rhythm? I do know, however, that I experienced none of these feelings come Day 3. I believe every aspect of the retreat helped theses feelings to dissipate, and to be replaced with confidence, patience, and focus. I found the meditation provided fitting bookends to the day. I felt rejuvenated following the morning meditation, ready for the day's work, while the afternoon meditation helped clarify so many things, without actually thinking about them. As one who obsessively- compulsively goes over and over things in her head, it was a welcome, and exciting change. This new approach to thinking helped both my playing, and my teaching. Every day it became a little easier to let frustrations go, and for lack of a better way to say it, just go with the flow. If a note was played that I didn't particularly like, I would ask myself how I could make it better, rather than punishing myself for an imperfection. In my ten years of playing the cello, never have I been able to do that.
The CellChanWoods Orchestra proved to be quite inspiring as well---there is nothing like hearing 12 beautiful cellos performing together. I thought this was the foundation of the retreat. Having that chance to pull together and share what we all learned was an important component to the retreat. I know it motivated me to work on my own part, and incorporating advise given to other players helped me to play with more ease, focus, and confidence. At the next retreat, I would love for there to be more group playing, whether in small ensembles or as a cello orchestra.
My only regret is that I did not keep a journal documenting my experience. I think it would have been helpful to all to record their feelings each day to really see how they progressed. It would be useful for jotting down what things worked,and what things didn't. As I'm writing this, I wish I had something to remind me of the little things that have since slipped my mind.
Music, Cello and Life Afterwards:
The most profound difference I see in my life following CelloChanWoods is simply patience. It allows me to be unhurried in my approach to not only practicing, but to the little things that arise each day. This feeling has ripened over time, surprising me with acceptance of myself, others, and my music. I find my focus is sharper, my ears listen a bit better, my body mid more open, an my head is held little bit higher. I have held on to this feeling by meditating a few times a week, and practicing when I feel as though "I had forever." If I had to summarize CelloChanWoods in one word, it would be 'enlightening.' I've heard many of the words spoken at the retreat before, but something about the group experience triggered the words to sink in. I am still attempting to understand what made the retreat so effective, but I know that everything and everyone contributed to a truly unique and enjoyable experience.
Sept 4 / 2008 Ann Arbor
